The first rule for this award, is to link to and thank who nominated me. So thank you Ari for this award! Though I figure I can still put the title on my awards page and a clipping from the post. Plus, I like to contribute to an expanding bloggers community, and I always find these interesting, so yes, you talked me into it. Thank you Ari! Here is Ari’s link: https://lasamaritanablog.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/liebster-award/ Go there to read the rules, if I have nominated you…
Eleven random facts about myself
- I was raised on Mac. and cheese, puffed wheat, and peanut butter sandwiches.
- I like to sleep in the buff.
- I quit smoking and drinking, exercise regularly, take supplements and eat a proper, healthy diet. I had to live for 60 years before doing something for myself!
- I always wear shorts in the house; even in the winter. It makes me feel like I’m always on vacation!
- Have always been a tea drinker. I’m not the 9 to 5 type. Coffee helps them reach the future much faster than I do!
- I firmly believe that the early bird does indeed catch the worm. However, I am neither a bird or a worm, so don’t call me ’till noon!
- I’ve always wanted to do paintings and illustrations, but I’m afraid because my hand shakes with a 7.9 reading on the rectum scale!
- My favorite color? We hominids can see 22 million colors, so I find the question a tad perplexing. Although, I’m mesmerized by the blue flame in fire, so navy blue, grey? See through navy blue? Very dark blue! No! Puke green! No! Turquoise!
- I have very high powers of concentration and determination, but nothing interests me.
- Sometimes I wish I were dead, but in a nice way; I’d like to be a decoration for someones livingroom!
- I wanted to become an Astronomer, but wasted time wandering about in a futile maze of crummy reruns! fortunately for me, the stars are still up there…
Eleven Questions From My Nominator
- What is one of the hardest life lessons you ever had to learn? I should not be so trusting! All my life people would rip me off and I would never get the point that very few people ever care about people as much as money… Twice I got $10,000 together to get a 2,500 mm lens for photography, and twice I was ripped off by supposed friends and family respectively. So never give someone something to hang onto unless you can afford to part with it… I lost that career, yet I still am enthusiastic to take pictures; except now I have to use those dinky, little things called: ‘A camera.’
- Thinking back to your 10-year-old self, what did you want to be when you ‘grew up’, and why? Simple! I’ve wanted to be an Astronomer since I was seven years old. My friends would all watch me from afar, saying: ‘Watch Darrell! He’s going to bump into that pole over there!’ And sure enough, I would, because I was always looking up at the night sky! Naturally, I wanted to discover black holes, find exoplanets, solve riddles about our universe! The bigger attractor was the shere size and distance of stars and galaxies, and all the bizarre stuff out there, in the vastness of my kitchen… The word ‘Astronomy’ means ‘measurement.’
- What would be your DREAM job and why? I think, traveling all over the world, meeting people and taking pictures for some artsy fartsy magazine! I think it would make me become more worldly, and there are just too many places I haven’t seen! I’d cut off both my arms and legs, and live as a stump for the opportunity!
- If you could relive one really fun, happy moment in your life, which one would that be? I won a ‘stone face’ award for making an audience laugh ’till they pee their pants! Two science classes were picked to go to a science school for two weeks. Each team of 10 people had 10 days to make up a funny skit. I did my own, on the spot, using only one person, and I won! I was only 14… But it was a moment of fame!
- What is an activity you want to try out, but have been afraid or nervous to? I’ve always wanted to be a Superhero, but I’m a little nervous about showing up in tights! I’d use my super powers of phony baloney, to rob from the rich and give to myself for superhero equipment, like spandex that won’t rip, a secret decoder ring, and laser powered eyeballs! Plus, I’d need a phone booth to hide out in…
- If your life were a movie, what would be the name of it, and who would you cast to play YOU? ‘Spartacus 2030’… Brad Pitt would play me! I would be Spartacus of corpse…
- What accomplishment are you most proud of? Making people laugh! It’s a sad and dangerous world we live in! Someone to lighten up the mood relieves stress. Don’t you think? If we could only teach others not to take their lives so seriously, they’d all live 20 years longer! If I could add a single minute to a single life, I would be proud of that!
- What do you think is a serious problem facing your community today? Drug abuse, definitely! I actually found out the average life expectancy for males in this town. It’s 38! Can you believe that?
- Who are 3 public figures you would be thrilled to have dinner with, and why? Mick Jagger, Anne Lennox, Paul Mc. Cartney, because they’re Musicians and Musicians are interesting people…
- What are 4 of your all-time favorite songs? ‘Hotel California’ – The Eagles, ‘I talk to The Wind’ – King Crimson, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ – Queen, ‘Yesterday’ – The Beatles
- Where is your go-to happy place (somewhere you would take off to in a moment’s notice, assuming time and money are not an issue)? The beach is only 5 minutes walk from here. There’s another place near there, where you cross a bridge and a field… If you sit on the side of the big, old, willow tree facing the water, nobody can see you. It’s where I go to find my inner peace…
I Nominate These 11 Bloggers
11 Questions for You
- Describe the happiest moment in your life.
- Describe the most fearful moment in your life.
- Name three movies you would watch a second time.
- If you could be any animal on Earth, what one would you be, and why?
- What is the worst job or task you’ve ever had to do?
- Make three wishes…
- What would you do with 1 million dollars?
- What is your favorite food?
- If you could start again, what career would you choose, and why?
- What country would you visit and why?
- What’s your favorite fragrance?
Those who fulfull the conditions of the award may take their choice between either of these award logos… And remember, these things are meant to be enjoyed! Liebster is a German word. – the word “liebster” has several definitions: dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, sweetheart and boyfriend (really?)
Don’t get me wrong! I’m warmed to the deepest depths of Lake Huron! I thank you one and all, even if it makes me sick! I’m truly delighted to have this many likes from so few people. No, almost really! I’m touched in the head! Thank you, thank you! (Bows from the hip.) What bothers me, and sometimes always does, is why the random number? They couldn’t spare an even 1500? It’s as if they all sat back and said: ‘Awe what the heck! Give the poor, slob a smelly award…’ I’d rather have had sardines! Sometimes just the smell is enough….
Goodness knows I’ve worked my fingers to the bone! Goodness knows? Did you know that people fear public speaking more than death? Yes folks… I’d rather die than talk to you! Yet in the long run, acting like a four-year old has strengthened me beyond the amazing tensile strength of super pretzels! You know? This award makes me suck my thumb with hunger! Think I’ll get naked and sit on a pretzel! Let’s face it… We all know I’m just another crumb bum! I’m just so honored to be YOUR crumb bum! May WordPress stink, hang like a green cloud of pretzel stench, over my head always! I’m gonna party with real ginger ale! Would you like to pull my finger?
So Thank you WordPress for this: ‘Crumb Bum of The Year’ award… Even that you’ve swallowed my tripe up to now is a miracle! WILL SOMEONE SHOOT THAT DAMN DOG!! Anyway, I shall go vomit beans, and a few shiny things… Then I shall lovingly tuck this fudge away, where I can drool on it forever, (MAKE THE NIGHTMARES STOP!!), on my awards page… I know honestly? I smell like Internet foot cheese! Thanks with pain and suffering, for this stinking award, and the crumbs on my bum! May smell guide you always! Sprinkles to my devoted fans! ****
Leslie, my other half, is in the yellow shirt. Bonehead in orange, then Todd and Lois… Leslie likes to lay in the sun a lot, so I had to take all the wrinkles out… Photoshop magic…
Should I stay, or should I go? I wonder how many times, how many people have asked themselves this very question, when it comes to matters of the heart? No use talking about this stuff while you’re mad, or you’ll muddle up the results! LOL! Leslie was once a very hot looking woman; I should take a picture of her picture and show you! Even so, there was always mischief in her smile! Her rebellious nature even appeals to me in some weird way. I’m that way myself, somewhat… Stupid Oinkers beat us, and throw us in jail for trying to be happy!
I know Leslie loves me, cuz for the last three days, there’s been pure Hell to pay! Don’t know where I can come up with that kind of money… I told Leslie that I had a chance to take a bachelor apartment for $715.00 per month, which would save me $285.00 per month, and she only gives me $320.00 per month, so I think I could squeak by. So I told her that unless she gets rid of her Nephew, (Mr. P.HD… Knucklehead!) that I was going to take the apartment. He doesn’t clean up after himself, so I have to look after both of them… Yes I know it’s blackmail. I like blackmail. Blackmail works!
Here’s the problem. Leslie is only here because I am! The Landlord calls her: ‘Piggy’, probably because of the cloud of dust that follows her around… She’s not on the lease, so he’ll kick her out if I go! And Leslie is bed-ridden right now. I would feel like a total Shmuck, as apossed to my partial Shmuck self… Perhaps my timing is bad. Yet if I stay, her constant crying and daily drama affects my happiness and robs me of my ability to blog without being in a rotten mood! She always agitates me when I need to be calm… She says she’ll comply, but can I believe her? I love her, but not just sure if that’s not just me being the protective knight in shinning tin? Should I stay, or should I go?
Technically, it’s already the weekend so I started out by making my famous chicken soup! Recipe: I throw a chicken into a pot, and cook it… Only two ingredimints may differ in my ‘life giving nectar’, and they are potatoes or noodles (Fettuccine). I get to choose! I was concerned Mr. P.HD. (Knuckle Head), can’t swallow any solid food, so by throwing anything green in the pot I could think of, (my old socks) he can get nourishment from the juices! He thanked me for a half hour, so I guess it was a success. We even suffered a man hug (No eye contact! Duration must not be lengthy! No fondling genitals!)… Yes I am capable of compassion; if you beg, and there’s something in it for me! LOL!
It’s a good thing we live in a day and age where they add actual speech to the movies! So I might treat myself to a little Pay-Per-View. I wanna see that movie ‘Focus’ with Will Smith, but whenever I choose it, I get a message that says: ‘This movie is not for you!’ The cable company has been trying to fix the problem for a month! Either they’re technical idiots, or I owe them a double cheese burger! To really watch a movie with the lights off, and your cat taped to a chair, you must have popcorn!
And I’m not talking about that Orville Rickenbacker bag, that hides the actual popping process, but a long-standing tradition of standing around the stove, watching actual colonels, and other high-ranking corns, pop under a glass lid! Looks way cool! You get a huge, bag so cheap, and just need a little canola oil and sea salt, guarantees corn will pop all over the kitchen, cuz I always over pop! Nine tiny corns seem to bread into millions somehow! That’s the whole fun of not knowing what you’re doing… Sometimes there’s no choice but to let the corn fly where it may! Popcorn can achieve critical mass very easily!
And then I suppose I’ll spend 10 minutes with my family. And then, a matter of life or death to me, but completely useless to you, I must complete some web page designs I began constructing on my other blog, and present them to curious onlookers from Venus! Any new release you’d recommend besides Star Wars? Something with a plot? I hate films that rely solely on special effects! Whatever you decide, enjoy your weekend!
Don’t ever get old! People give you looks like you’re some kind of Daffy bass turd, just cuz you can’t understand their mouth full of marbles! As usual, before I took my seat beside the other sick sardines, the Secretary shouts: ‘HAVE YOU STILL GOT THE SAME OLD HEALTH CARD?’ I’m not deaf yet! You don’t have to let the whole room know my health card is older than me! After an hour and a half, he gets to me, cuz I’m now the only one left in the room… It’s like they always plan it that way! And he always says ‘Mr. Darrell! (Like I just turned 5.) Come on down!’ (Like this is a game show, and I might win a free whistle!)
So here I am trying to explain to my Doctor, who looks like a big tube of beefaroni, I need a little more clanzopam because when I try to blog, my fingers shack so much, I’m reduced to a two-fingered Sloth, when it would be so much easier for me to be able to type; or eat a sandwich without spewing lettus all over the room! Or sleep without waking up to my own, private earthquake! Even the cat shook!
Suddenly I realize, he’s not gonna do it for me, and wondered what I am doing talking to a Government stooge in the first place? I really should know better! The waiting room is like a zoo! You can’t read; kids run up and burp in your face! They’ve got the radio blaring, all for some cud chewing 19-year-old Secretary… That must make it harder to yap with her boyfriend over the phone all day; an important part of the job! Then the pharmacist says: ‘Oh! I don’t have enough pills for you, you’ll have to come back! The whole point was to see the Doctor so I could get the script for my pills! There goes that plan shot all to Hell!
And depression pills? Forget about those! What does it matter if it’s right on the screen in front of his eye-balls? I’ll just go about my business axe murdering the entire city! I’ll get them. I have to go back there every second day! Whatever happened to someone taking care of your health problems? My wife’s had her ear falling off for over a year now, and nobodies doing anything about it! It’s untreatable! Everything we have is untreatable! He wants me to have a check up next time. That’s monkey talk for his obsession to stick his hand up my ass! Treat this! Pfffft!! Take big whiffs! It will go away faster…
You know when it’s a bad time to try to steal a case of beer and some snacks from a convenience store? When there are four sheriff’s Deputies just feet away at the register. This hard lesson was learned on Aug. 14th. by a pair of 29 and 19-year-old men who tried to jack a La Miranda Chevron station of $18,76 worth of brew and munchies.
The OC Register has surveillance footage of the four fully uniformed Deputies in utter disbelief as the two perps made a dash for the door. The two would-be beer burglars were arrested and charged with burglary and petty theft.
In Messa Arizona, a home break-in was foiled when the burglar jumped through the bedroom window, and got caught in a clothes hamper. Cops took it from there. (That definitely wasn’t the clean getaway he had planned.)
A German bank robber sent mocking e-mails to local police, ridiculing their efforts to arrest him. First he let them know that they had his age, build, and accent wrong. Then he corrected their announcement that he’d escaped on foot; no, he had a getaway car! The cops got the last word in, though, when they arrested the guy a few hours later. They used his e-mail to trace him.
The largest bill currently in circulation in th US is $100. That didn’t stop 53-year-old Michael Anthony Fuller going into his local Walmart recently and attempt to use a $1 million note. Fuller, who really should have done his homework, tried to use the fake note to buy a microwave, vaccum cleaner, and other goods totaling $476. By his reckoning he was due $999,524 in change. After the police were called, Fuller was charged with attempting to obtain goods under false pretense (deception in UK law) and uttering a forged instrument. Damn those forged instrument utterences.
Taken from the Nov. 2015 edition of ‘The Town Ticker.’, a free magazine we get whenever we change our oil…
I don’t want this thing mushrooming into something huge, but have you ever wondered what a magic mushroom sits there and thinks about all day? I know they must be all stoned! If they could speak, they’d probably all sound like Edgar Allan Poe: ‘Quote the Raven evermore’… Boy! Magic mushrooms must all be really partying! LOL! And what about the ‘deadly angel’? Those things are full of toxins! How do they sleep at night? Just for your information, you can tell a poisonous mushroom, if its stem is longer than the width of its cap… Now you can survive to romp and play in the forest! However, that’s not what I’m here to ramble on about. Fooled ya! Hehehehehehehe! Hehehehehehehe!
I was thinking yesterday, that I had never tried Portobello mushrooms before, and thought I might glutton out on some, and see what they’re like! So I wrapped myself up until I looked like The Michelin Tire guy, and marched off to the supermarket, on my exciting new quest to forever tantalize my taste buds! I’m standing in front of a regiment of military mushrooms, all packed neatly in a row; so uniform! So disciplined! So yummy! I just wanted to sneak out of the store with them; ever watching for prying eyes! Ever vigilant! Ever obvious?
I get to the Portobello mushrooms, and they’re all packaged in three’s, and they’re all $12.95! Don’t get me wrong; I like big, fat, juicy, mushrooms on a big, fat, juicy steak! But when it turns out the mushrooms cost more than the steak, one is given to ponder their choice… So there I am, holding this package in my hand, staring down at it, for like 10 minutes! This guy even came up to me and asked me if he could help me with my plan! Finally, I decided, to pay that much for three mushrooms, they had better be magic or something, cuz I’m not paying that! So I settled for the poverty pack, and went home sad; my day totally ruined by three, savage mushrooms! My life is over :O(