Nothing can be more annoying then having to blow on your noodles all day! Hence, the handy and indispensable: ‘Chop sticks with a fan’ invention… I don’t know what’s wrong with waiting until it’s ready? But then, if you only get a 10 minute lunch break, it’s the perfect idea!
Are you tired of getting wet feet at the last moment? Perhaps the term: ‘Weather Protection’ spray is simply not an option when it comes to these cute little ridiculous umbrellas… What if there’s an up-draft?
Funny how a little breath spray can bring you closer to God! See, I thought He just didn’t like me! Little did I know, all along it was my bad breath!
Why use a knife to butter your bread when you can make a work of art from your baloney sandwich and display it in a gallery?
This (guaranteed for 30 days cuz it’s so weird) ‘Porn Hoodie’ will keep your Mother from finding out what you’re up to… And it doubles as a face sock!
You’re going to a party. You have unsightly warts, blisters and cal-asses… Don’t get stuck with embarrassment when your wounds have to go wee. Got naked hands? Buy Handerpants!
For more exciting adventures, check these 25 wacky inventions out:
I think happiness is so illusive to so many people, because it stems from an emptiness from within that needs to be filled. I, like so many, believed finding a mate was the way to happiness; I’d never been so miserable in all my life! Co-dependence sucks big time! Finding a mate is not so easy as it sounds… I must’ve made over 100 attempts! LOL! Parents, school, church… None of them had the directions to my Shangrila!
So many people would say: ‘Happiness comes from within!’ So does vomit! What does that mean??? It simply means that it emanates from you; doesn’t require refills… That still doesn’t tell us what happiness is. We find that out best by experiencing what it isn’t first; it’s hard to appreciate the good life unless you’ve had to raise yourself up out of the muck to get there… Then when we do, something is missing!
I believe it’s just that feeling of being discontented that causes us to explore just what things do make us happy! Some need to see the world to be happy. Others can be happy with a lover, in a dingy basement apartment, and never go out except for pop, chips and razor blades! Though it isn’t any one thing, it is what it is to you! So I’ll tell you what makes me happy, and see what fits the mold…
- I need to have a mate. Don’t know why… I don’t visit with them often, especially when they live here!
- I need to explore the world around me; at least what I can get to on a dirt bike. So my world is square, and flat…
- I need a best friend like Bonehead; he’s loyal, helpful, friendly, humorous, interesting, and robs me blind!
- I need to blog! I’ve always felt so tiny without it! Now, thanks to you, I’m really full of it!
- I need a sense of security… Sucking my thumb makes me happy! But I need more! I need my blanky!
- I need a pet like Smokey (My cat.)! I think he’s gay! He likes to sniff my nipples, and meows at me constantly, so I’m happy I have a front door!
- I need Froggy, so I have someone special, and unique by my side always! Sometimes he makes a stinky poo…
- I need support from my peers or I immediately worry that I’ve lost my I.Q.
- I need Astronomy! I know my home planet is out there someplace! If I just follow the alphabet to Planet X…
- I need to exercise, or I’ll hate the day I was born, sit in a pile of ashes and moan! When I exercise I get to moan on the run!
- I need my meds., or I’d be sitting in a corner laughing, ripping the wings off insects!
- I need to count my blessings! 1, 2… OK! I have to be happy I don’t need a lot of blessings to be happy!
- I should be happy I’m not bombed out of existence! Many viruses have tried and failed!
- I need the sun! Well, not up close! Just something I can put in my pocket, and bring out for the winter. If I could breed fire flies???
- I’m happy to make it to the bathroom, and pee all over the wall!
- I’m happy to ignore all my physical pains, how I’m a complete zero, nobody ever listens to me! How I hate myself!
- I hate being happy; you walk around with a stupid grin on all the time! I’m happiest when I’m miserable!
- I’d be happy if the world would blow up and leave me with my own space!
- I don’t know why I brought this stupid subject up in the first place! But now I’m happy I can’t remember!
- I’m happy I don’t have to write about happiness anymore! It depresses me 😦
I was always different! I never really got along in real society… I would always fight with my brother, and our mother was simply helpless to stop it! Still, she always took us to the park. She was a good Gorilla! Even today I hang out with only a select group of friends.
Here I am with my friends when I was just a young chimp looking for mischief. I’m the one eating the twig… Well, I figure if I’m gonna join the circus, they’re gonna need a selfie of me. So I got out the old Polaroid, blew the dust off and took a selfie for the circus people.
So here I am all spruced up! I know my teeth are a little yellow… It’s pee stains… I knew how to find the circus but not what I can do to entertain once I get there. I can peel a banana! OK… I can squish a banana… I know how to pick my ass! Is picking my ass entertainment?
Here’s the Manager of the circus… He didn’t talk much. His nose got in the way! Said his Father was Jimmy Durante: ‘That’s no banana! That’s my nose! Ha cha-cha cha-cha cha!’ He told me I’d have to start out licking up the elephants cage… Sounded VERY promising to me!
As you can well imagine, after a few hours of that, I told him what he could do with his job!
What a way to make a living!
So I joined a rock band and everything’s been fine since…
I know a couple of blonde jokes… These two blondes are each standing on different sides of a river bank. One blonde shouts to the other: ‘HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?’ The other blonde shouts back: ‘YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!’
Q. What do you call 3 blonds in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes!
Q. Why don’t blondes like to breast feed their children?
A. Because it hurts when they boil their nipples!
Q. Why can’t you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A. Because they go answer the door!