First and foremost, I’d like to extend a warm: ‘Welcome back’ to my US friends, whom I thought had deserted me. I was just about to slit my wrist, and suck the blood! I love fresh, warm blood; salty, but satisfying… I like to think of myself as a pretty good person; I resolve differences, save people money, slap women when they become hysterical or stop breathing (Men I’m not fussy about.). I do favors. I enjoy servicing people, and just generally have ‘USE ME’ written on my forehead! Yet I fear an imminent danger of becoming a ‘Goody Two Shoe!’ So let me tell you about how I’ve learned to harness people, and use them like horses! Stallions though… No cheap Clydesdale’s here!
You may or may not know I lost me drivers license getting one silly DUI. I thought that, the better option, than being framed for a false attempted rape charge; that means jail time! They took my license away forever, and I had a spotless record until that day some three years ago now… I still have to get around sometimes! Leslie is too sick to drive me anywhere. And Mr. PH.D (Knucklehead) had his license revoked.
That leaves my next door neighbor Rayell. He’s quite the character, but not your average Einstein. He may even be a few cents short of a dime, but everyone likes Rayell for his warm personality, and the big: ‘SUCKER’ written on his forehead… We ALL have something written on our foreheads! It’s hard to get him to just drive me somewhere for gas, and it’s too much for a cab, so I told him when my rich Uncle dies, he’s gonna leave me a whole whack of money, and he could be in on it, just by being nice to me! Not true… Anyway, it worked! He took me where I wanted to go. I wonder what else I can do with him? Perhaps run some errands, and take out the garbage? Mop the floors? What a sin!
I found my glasses! They were in my case by my night table… The cat had knocked the case off the table, and it wedged, straight up, behind the back leg of the night table! That’s why when I looked under the table I didn’t see it! What are the odds? Why is it, that whenever you drop something, it falls to the one place you can’t find it; almost like it purposely hid away on you. Ever have like 9 things go wrong in a row, so you look off into space bewildered, and utter the words: ‘That’s impossible’? Is it because a haphazard event is occurring in an organized place?
One time, I was flipping a coin. Can’t remember what about it was so long ago. I have to assume it was a nickel though, because when I flipped the coin, it landed standing up on its side! What are the odds? It’s some kind of spooky science! I’m certain it’s ‘dark matter’; a quantum anomaly, quirk of nature! Something doesn’t add up! I couldn’t repeat that in a million years, so how did it spring up during my life span?
These ‘kinds’ of things happen to me all the time… I went through one period in time that lasted for almost 6 months! I have a digital clock beside the TV… Every time it would occur to me to look up at it, it would read ‘3:33’ or ‘5:55’, but always 3 numbers in a row that were the same! God only knows, (God only knows?) Dimes have been dropping out of thin air around here since she moved in. She says they’re from the ghosts that have followed her here.
Apparently, there’s an old spirit, with a black hat and tench coat, that always sits in the same chair! And there’s this shadowy guy trapped in a doorway of one of Leslie’s mother’s paintings, who always changes position; sometimes he’ll be inside the doorway, and sometimes walking along the path; though I’ve only ever seen him in the door-way… Ahem! Though I have to admit, one time I saw what looked like a shadow go by my while I was washing dishes, and once, a plate seemed to jump off the counter top, all by itself… They say dark matter is all around us. Maybe it’s true…
Why not? You’ve got just about everything else I can give! I’ve been here 4 years!! And the most likes I EVER got was 17, on a blog about writing blogs oddly enough… I just had a visit to OM’s blog (Opinionated Man) He put up like four sentences of absolute tripe, and got 1468 likes and a huge whack of comments! I see! The object here to be appreciated, is NOT TO BE A WRITER!
I’m not writing reams of shit, just to sit in a corner by myself! It figures brain power would rate low amongst a bunch of savages! I’ve got one person who likes me! One who comments and acts like a friend; ‘infinite Zip’ She’s an odd-ball too! If you think we’re strange, take a look in the mirror sometime!
Well I’m not coming back ’till I fucking well feel like it; which may prove to be NEVER!!! And only to put a picture (we all have cameras!), and some stupid saying under it! Congratulations ignorant populous! You’ve just lost another one, proving once again, Bloggers are just MORONS!!! Here’s your tiny blog back, ya big, bunch of blogless wonders! SO-LONG SUCKERS!!!