First and foremost, I’d like to extend a warm: ‘Welcome back’ to my US friends, whom I thought had deserted me. I was just about to slit my wrist, and suck the blood! I love fresh, warm blood; salty, but satisfying… I like to think of myself as a pretty good person; I resolve differences, save people money, slap women when they become hysterical or stop breathing (Men I’m not fussy about.). I do favors. I enjoy servicing people, and just generally have ‘USE ME’ written on my forehead! Yet I fear an imminent danger of becoming a ‘Goody Two Shoe!’ So let me tell you about how I’ve learned to harness people, and use them like horses! Stallions though… No cheap Clydesdale’s here!
You may or may not know I lost me drivers license getting one silly DUI. I thought that, the better option, than being framed for a false attempted rape charge; that means jail time! They took my license away forever, and I had a spotless record until that day some three years ago now… I still have to get around sometimes! Leslie is too sick to drive me anywhere. And Mr. PH.D (Knucklehead) had his license revoked.
That leaves my next door neighbor Rayell. He’s quite the character, but not your average Einstein. He may even be a few cents short of a dime, but everyone likes Rayell for his warm personality, and the big: ‘SUCKER’ written on his forehead… We ALL have something written on our foreheads! It’s hard to get him to just drive me somewhere for gas, and it’s too much for a cab, so I told him when my rich Uncle dies, he’s gonna leave me a whole whack of money, and he could be in on it, just by being nice to me! Not true… Anyway, it worked! He took me where I wanted to go. I wonder what else I can do with him? Perhaps run some errands, and take out the garbage? Mop the floors? What a sin!