The Born Natural:
‘Mr. SLOTH! Mr. SLOTH! LOL! Well, his name is Vern, but I always called him Fern, and he never seemed to notice, so it just stuck… This picture was taken when he was not long for this world. Notice how his head matches the sky. That should tell you something right there! You can’t see the ground very well here, but usually squirrels would tend to gather, wherever he went…
Some people are trying to be funny! Some people ARE funny! And some are NATURALLY funny! Those people are the funniest of all! They are: ‘nature’s little mistake’, and tend to defy things that most others dare not… Like gravity! He once asked me if I thought he was too fat. I told him he should have moons orbiting him! He was greatly saddened by my answer. If you’re afraid of the answer, don’t ask! It was fat that killed him. That and stress, will do it every time!
This is a picture of when he got his new car. So he took me and about 6 of my friends for a ride, to camp out for the night. I remember, we were all sitting on a log facing Fern, who was sitting on a rock, with his car about 20 feet behind him… He began to discuss about how he was a professional this and a professional that, about the car, and what excellent care he will take, to make sure it’s always in tip top running shape!
As he continued with bragging rights to his new car, it started to become dark, and was becoming more and more apparent to us that he had left his inside light on, and that would wear down the battery so nobody would be able to go anywhere… But not just yet… Let him brag a little more first. We sat there, all with big smiles on, as he expounded upon the do’s and don’t’s of car maintenance… Two months later, and the inside looked like a garbage dump!
Fern was always weird:
Sometimes we’d all gather on the couch and giggle uncontrollably, as he’d put a classical record on, and star conducting the Orchestra with a pencil, bringing in each section as it emerged… absolutely, gut wrenching hilarious!
He was a Superman freak (The series. The movies hadn’t come out yet.), yet he wasn’t very good at it! One time when we were kids, we lived near the bottom of High Park Ave. in Toronto, Can., so it was a long run to High Park! One day he put a towel around his neck, (That was his cape), said he’d be Superman, and I’d be the crook, naturally… He started running down the street after me, singing the ‘orchestra’ theme song as he ran! Only one problem. He couldn’t catch up to me!
All angry and frustrated, he shouted: ‘I’M SUPERMAN! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LET ME CATCH YOU!!’ just picture this guy, all freaked out, in the middle of the street, with his eyes closed, pinching his side, (Like he’s enjoying it or something) and mumbling to himself, with a towel tied round his neck! Weird!
One time, he got this real expensive Richo Camera… So there we all were (about 9 teens), all sitting on the couch, listening to Fern expound upon the in’s and out’s of professional photography! We all sat and listened intently as he elaborated on this button and that. Finally, he got round to explaining the ‘self timer’.
He set up the camera on its tripod ever so carefully; like he was performing surgery or something! Then he flipped a switch, ran to stand under the kitchen counter, he bumped his head on the underside of the counter and made this expression of immense pain! That’s just when the flash went off! Well we roared, and fell all over the floor holding our stomachs, it was SO hilarious!