I was extremely shy as a boy of 12 years, on a rock that just didn’t feel right to me! Some embarrassing things happened, which is just what a shy 12-year-old wants to avoid! I was perfectly happy in the world of my own making, strange as that may sometimes be. My Stepfather ‘Tom’ dressed very sharp. In fact, his fancy suits were one of his main traits! It looked about as convincing on him, as stories from people who thought the moon landing was fake! He was only 5′ 6″ and well over 300 lbs. But what do you say to a guy who’s, nick-name is : ‘Bubba’ and his best friend, who always dressed in white suits only, his name was: ‘Chick’… Weird! Tom was a Tyrant, make no mistake! He always only shouted things at you, so I didn’t hold conversations with him or anything. Mostly, I’d keep my back to him… But this one Saturday morning was different! On this particular day, I would have to defend my scruples; I have a few of them… They won’t stay in their cage… Tom was from Nova Scotia, so he couldn’t pronounce my mother’s name. Her name was Ruth, but he called he ‘Root’.
The door to my bedroom bursts wide open! And there’s Tom, standing in the hallway, pointing his finger at me – ‘Dare he is Root; pullin’ his puddin’ again!’
Me: ‘I WAS NOT PULLIN’ MY PUDDIN’!!’
Tom: ‘Yes he was Root! I saw the sheets goin’ up and down!’
I came running out to the livingroom, and this time, I had my underwear on! – ‘I was not pullin’ my puddin Mummy!’ (turning purple…)
Tom: ‘Yes he was Root! I caught him red-handed!
Me: ‘Just look at my hands Mummy! Not a patch of red anywhere!’
Tom: ‘Well dats it Root! There’s nothing more we can do wit the boy! We’re gonna have ta put’m in one of dose Institutions, where day inject his wiener with Salt Peter, and teach’m good and proper, ta stop pullin’ his puddin’!’
Me: Clutching at Mummy’s knees – ‘OH PLEASE DON’T LET HIM PUT ME IN THAT PLACE!! DON’T LET PETER TOUCH MY WIENER!! I haven’t pulled my puddin’ for almost two weeks now!’
Mummy: Trying hard to keep a straight face – ‘Well Darrell… If he caught you pullin’, your puddin’ I guess there’s nothing more I can do…’ She pulled away, and my arms fell helplessly to the floor, where I sobbed profusely, (crocodile tears)…
Then they both started laughing! I got up (still purple) and said: ‘THAT’S NOT ANY WAY FOR ME TO BEGIN MY WEEKEND!’ – I stormed back to my room, with a slight smirk, curling up on the showing side of my face :O)