New Canadian Anti-Nose Picking Law!
After a shocking display of The President of America picking his nose at a Press Conference (of all things), Canadians have decided that such unsanitary practices are to be outlawed!
We’ve seen you picking in your cars when you reach a stop light, hiding in the back of crowded elevators, and in the washrooms of Canada, admiring yourselves in mirrors!
A special law has been enacted for snot eaters! These people will be sent to: ‘Anti-Snot Eating Reformatoriums’, where they’ll only be served macaroni so any snot-like substance with proven elastic properties, will have their hands tied behind their back and socks put on their feet in case they try any tricks!
They will also attend anti-nose picking classes, where the object is to sit still for one hour without picking your nose! Proven to be effective for up to one hour! Any violations will result in a severe nose whipping, with a tiny whip!
Open Public Brainwashing Seminars…
When even the people we look up to and idolize set this kind of example, something has to bone on an epic scale! So The Province of Newfoundland is leading the way with FREE seminars on the follies of nose picking, such as:
- You could suddenly trip and fall, and be found dead, with your finger rammed up your nose!
- You could be stricken with the terrible facial deformity: ‘Large Nostril Disease’ or LND… People with large index fingers are especially susceptible!
- What if you’re nibbling on a choice booger and fall pray to: ‘Booger Nibble Sepsis’. a terrible face crippling disease, leaving your entire nasil cavity to constantly fill up with choice boogers!
Some try to get away with the illusive: ‘Side Pick’ but are also subject to incarceration for a sideways amount of time…
Traces of booger remains have been inconspicuously lodged under tables in Restaurants, and Theater seats nation wide, along with a lot of gum, sometimes found together for added flavoring… Just last week seven people we’re captured in a crowded, residential bathroom, all feverishly picking their noses!
Know you will be hunted down! There’s nowhere to hide, it’s snot possible! Specially trained snot sniffing dogs will ferrit you out! Don’t you have any idea how many people for which you have brought on the gag reflex? ( AWK! AWWWK!! AHEKA!!! )…
Those with whip-lash scars on their noses from previous picking arrests caught picking again will have their noses put on upside-down to make nose picking access more difficult! Some citizens suggest the object of the new law, is to incarcerate everyone in Canada, suggesting we’re all ‘Felon Nose Pickers’ on the run!