Greetings fellow brave, Spartans and Hot, Spartanesses! Whenever someone used to ask me the time, I’d ask: ‘Right now?’ And they’d laugh and retort: ‘No! Next week!’ Now I emphatically state: ‘Right now!’ Right now is the time for growth my friends. Not that! OH YOU DIRTY COCKADUDDIES!! (Raises rusty sword toward the sky while simultaneously brushing lint off of steel skirt… Turning purple…)
(Scratching head…) … … Oh yeah yeah! I got it now! Now is the time to act! Now that we’ve gotten all our crooked Governments to sit around one table (made of solid gold!), in Paris, asking the serious question about climate change: ‘How are we going to get out of this now?’ We’re going to have to start doing our part…
No! Not more dusting! We have to go further than that! Now I’m not saying you can just trade in your old, clunker for a brand, spanking new (We spank all our cars to make sure they behave at peak performance!) electric car just now… ‘Take care of the nickles and dime, and the dollars will take care of themselves!’ – Old Canadian Hockey Saying!
No plebeians and Esquires! I’m speaking right now to those couples who are making over $100,000 a year each. You know who you are! HEY! don’t try to run! COME BACK HERE!! LOL! OK… Those of you remaining, C’mon, we all know your credit’s good!
And now solar panels for your roof are just thin sheets, and have come way down in price! Then you’d be totally off the grid, and never have to buy a tank of gas again! And the good news is, they’re already setting up recharging stations for you! Every 15 miles! LOL! You buying now, will encourage car companies to compete and bring the price dow for all of us Pleabians and Esquires! Please? There! I said ‘please’… Now you have to do it!! CRUSTY OLD BUZZARDS!! LOL!
Just think how you could brag to all your uppity, chincie, glutinous, greedy friends how you now live off the grid, buy no gas, and pay now bills!
And you people who smoke! Could you please hold it in until your body absorbs all the obnoxious fumes? Thank you! And no farting! It releases harmful methane gases! AH HA! Now is the time, for a big titanium box to hold all our obnoxious gases forever! Just attach bulky box to arse, and stroll confidently down the street knowing your farts are contained always! Just 3 easy payments of $169.92… The time is now! Cheeses! They don’t make it easy on us, do they :O(