Hardly The Life of Riley
When I think back before the age of 35, before I got Married and staled with responsibility and children and someone to blackmail me into going to the store, I was a pretty carefree person! I was fortunate to be a gifted guitar player and singer, so I was invited to a lot of parties! In return for being the entertainment, I got free booze, and free pot. And these weren’t just parties, they were bashes; sometimes going on for a week, and never having less than 60 people there at any given time… Sometimes I’d up-chuck too…
So one time, I was playing at a gig, and over 100 of them showed up and trashed the place! The Manager came up to me and asked: ‘Will you please ask them to stop throwing their glasses into the fire-place?’ Big bunch of barbarian teenagers was what they were. They weren’t bad! Just a little rowdy when they drink, that’s all… I had to pay for the crystal glasses but hey, what are Suckers for?
Just for laughs
One night, I noticed one of them was really stoned. So I said to him, let’s go outside for some fresh air… It was winter time, so it wasn’t long before I said: ‘Let’s sit in the car where it’s warm and just crack the window…’ So I opened the passenger side and he got in. I sat on the driver’s side blowing my hands to warm them up. So he got round to saying: ‘Nice car!’ so I said: ‘Thanks! But it’s not mine…’ ‘Well who’s is it them?’ the stoned, young man enquired? ‘I dunno!’ I said: ‘I just got in here to get warm!’ He looked at me, and his eyes opened wide, and he got out of the car right away, leaving me laughing my guts out!
The Motorcycle Ride
There was this guy named Roach. We called him that because whenever we sat around and one of us said: ‘Boy! I wish we had some pot to smoke!’, he would pull out a roach, every time…
One evening, he was sitting on his shiny, red, Motorcycle, and I came wandering out stoned out of my tree, and said: ‘What’s happening?’ So he said: ‘See that stop sign about a hundred yards ahead there? I’ll bet you I can get you there in 8 seconds!’ So I said: ‘Betcha can’t! He said: Betcha I can! and I said: ‘Betcha can’t!’ So he said: ‘I betcha 1 roach I can!’ So I said: ‘Your on!’, and got on the back… Still ripped out of my mind, mind you! Drunk too! He started us off with a wheelie, and we burned out in a plume of white smoke! When his front tire hit the ground, my hair suddenly flew back as he kept accelerating! Then this ear deafening squeal to a dead stop as we approached the stop sign!
My dizzy eyes gazed at the stop watch, and sure enough, 7.9 seconds! My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was all wobbly… ‘Thanks!’ I said as I wobbled my way on back to the party. ‘You just scared the living $*!t out of me!’ I quipped. He just laughed! Really though? It is one of the most exhilarating feelings you can have! I’d even go so far as to say that you haven’t really lived until you’ve had the living $*!t scared out of you, on a motorcycle! It’s AWESOME!!