Do you have a face full of zits that make great landing zones for mosquitos? Are you sick of having a face full of pimples? Have your friends been calling you: ‘Volcano face’? Has NASA chosen you for a landing? Do I have good news for you? After hours of extensive research, our volunteer Scientists from The Salvation Army have come up with a real solution to the problem!
After just one application of: ‘Essence of Molecular Acid’ and just look at the result! The acne has completely vanished! Isn’t that amazing! For the low, low price of just 40 monthly payments (in advance), of $59.62, you’ll get not 3, not 2, but 1 tiny bottle! It’s all you’ll ever need!
Are you so enormous, that when you fart, the entire country reports stinky winds of up to 70 kms. per hour? Does just a crumpet throw on an additional 60 pounds? Does the sheer force of your gravitational pull attract exotic moons? Then you may have a weight problem…
Just look at the difference after just one week at our fright clinic! As you can see, she has regressed a little bit, but she lost a lot of weight! If you can find a Doctor to certify that you have a healthy, fatty, heart, and will sign a waver, in case of a heart attack due to extreme fright, you too can be shocked with delight! Was $2850! Now just $2850, during our ‘One for the price of two’ sale!
When you visit The Zoo, does The Keeper tell you to get back in your cage? Do you have trouble passing the entrance exam to get into Kindergarten? Then you are you cursed with a low I.Q. my friend!
For just one penny a day doubled for one month, we can make you look intelligent! Note above example of one of our miraculous transformations… From completely stupid, you will step up to the brain of a 5 year old, real, human being! That’s right, 5 whole years worth of actual human intellect! Don’t miss this bargain of a lifetime! Yours! Please ignore extreme age… Can you read this?