- Superheros must always remain anonymous to the bad guys!
- Superheros will bathe regularly. Reporters don’t like stinky Superheros!
- Superheros may NOT bring family or friends along with chips and coke, to watch them thwart criminal activity…
- Superheros will at all times be courteous, and at least know some of the alphabet, and count to ten without looking at your fingers or toes!
- Superheros will all report to head office, to receive their official decoder rings, Acme night goggles, and super deodorant, anti-super stink kit!
- Superheros must buy and stitch their own costumes. This isn’t a freebie! They are allowed to have leotards, cape, scarf and mitts, shield ( all crumpled up if necessary), breast-plate or Horn-blat Mellon Holder,whistle (Holigans won’t stop for that anyway), sandals, and we have a darling, chiffon belt in lavender!
- No chewing gum! You can’t be blowing bubbles while chastising Thugs, or they won’t take you seriously! And no playing with matches! What are you? New?
- And please, please leave the cards, and the dice at home! What will you do if you lose your cape, and a code blue comes in?
- No farting in public (including the under-the-arm thing)… You may find it funny, but it degrades your status! Don’t forget, humans faint when they whiff super-stink!
- And will the Superhero who left his tuna fish sandwich in the office fridge for three months now, please get rid of it? Customers are beginning to talk…
- Superheros will report for work clean-shaven, completely sober, and fully armed for battle. Nothing looks more vulnerable to a Hoodlum than a drunken Bum!
- Also, will the Superhero who took a babies rattle, thinking it was a bomb, and threw it into the Pacific Ocean, please apologize to the Mother, even that she called you a stupid Twit? She’s threatening to take us to court! She wants a dollar ninty seven!
- And I know there’s a stash of prime bud out there! I want it returned to The Medical Marijuana Treatment Facility immediately!
- All Superheros must be covered for damages to all cities, water-ducts, work and transportation vehicles, and spitting on the street! Super-spit is unmovable!
- Rabble-rousers will try to tease you, calling you weak, and irresponsible. They must be prostituted, to the full extent of The Law!
- Any Superhero caught smoking cigareetes, will be sent to their room without any super supper! This is nonegotiable unless you have $600 for a slab of super beef!
- Any problems? Call this number and ask for Dave: Shyster 9-9999…
- Superheros will pick up their pay checks every second Thursday. Thank you for your co-operation…
So… Would you like to join up? There’s a $50 annual Superhero licence fee, that comes with a fashionable, and pleasingly esthetic pedicure kit!