Before I begin, in all fairness, I should explain exactly what a ‘rant’ is. It is one of those words that just floats around with many definitions, sending everyone into a frenzy so that they end up writing their own rants and so on… So believe it’s a release of frustration more commonly refered to as ‘venting’.
On the other hand, I take a more subtle approach, hence avoiding the word: f**k: though in real life, I’d hump a hot lawn if it had a hill! It’s true! To me, a flashlight is just one more tube I can hump with the help of a little padding… So some think of a rant as a way that some one can just ramble on: just like I’m doing now.
To me though, a rant is very much an expression of righteous indignation. I find that sufficient to get my point across. If I could put it another way? ‘A rant is a way that a blogger can go primal about all the stinky CRAP that’s been building up in there lives!’ So without any further ado, let us proceed with the rant… @#%$@&! $!@ *!!$%! LOL!
I sure would like to murder someone… Gosh it wood bee fun! As a cereal killer, I’d then be obligated to sit down, and eat my 28,000 th. bowl of Captain Crunch! I only stopped eating it because the crush was the only nutritious thing about it… Everything they listed on the box, was what was in the milk!
You’re probably thinking now that he wants to bludgeon someone! ‘I should call the Police and tell them I’m on my computer!’ Don’t worry! Those who know me know I always take out my frustrations by torturing hamsters, and pulling the wings off of insects (It’s seasonal work…)
Have some guy living with you that you don’t know, ranting in your ear 24 hours a day (even while you’re sleeping) and see if a meat cleaver doesn’t cross your mind. Then you’d be the one writing the weird blog! ‘Vee have wase off dealingk viss you!’
All I have to say is: ‘You should ask Leslie about that…’ Then he’ll go yak into HER ear until IT melts. Hmmm… Too drastic! There’s always nuclear fusion! No… Too vast… Perhaps just a small bazooka so it’s more local? Too messy… I’ve tried turning the TV up but he’s just a touch louder than quad.
The only way to deal with this kind of invasion sufficiently, is to do what I’m doing right now. I can tune out anything when I’m thinking! Even: ‘MEGAPHONE MAN!!’ Other times, I’ll just go in for a bath, and not come out until tomorrow. Another plan I use, is to go for a walk and just get lost. If anyone asks where I live I can always say I have Old-Timers disease.
Another way of dealing with this menacing super hero in leotards, is to simply give him the slip. Say: ‘Hey! Look over there! A flock of Turtles!’ Then, run away! I’ve also tried 6 bottles of cough medicine but I lost consciousness and dreamt he was talking in my ear, so be careful! And don’t call the Boobie Hatch because they’ll just say their beds are all taken! Offering to bring my own ‘Star Wars’ sleeping bag, was nothing short of futile :O(
Staying in bed for a week is an excellent way of avoiding Megaphone Man! You just have to come up with a disease of your own… Get some food dye and paint red poka dots all over your face. Then tell your spouse you’ve come down with ‘Stradivarius Eat’m-up-a-puss’ And need to rest ‘undisturbed’, in the room with the large, wide-screen TV… It’s OK. Give it six months and I’ll be fine. LOL! If your crime is peace and quiet, beware of Megaphone Man!